The Guide to a Female’s Physiology
Before reading this, if you’re a woman, I want you to know you’re very likely not abnormal in any way. If you’re a man, I want you to put your ego away. Life Spoiler: Most women fake orgasms. Many women don’t really enjoy sex to the fullest because they are insecure about their anatomy, a relatively surprising number have a history of sexual abuse and there are plenty of movies to demonstrate how she is clearly not like other women. Sex can be a sensitive issue and one not openly talked about lest the woman hurt the man’s feelings or feel like she’s naked in a football stadium, stating her completely unique experience of dissatisfaction, disinterest or even distaste for sex. In conducting female exams, I often hear women of all ages apologizing for their anatomy, avoiding the gynecological exam, suddenly very uncomfortable and insecure, even if we have a trusting relationship outside of this context. So listen sisters, I have seen a lot of vaginas and they all vary; if you have issues about what yours looks like, try Google images and we can move on because men don’t care. Really. It’s like when they say they aren’t thinking anything; that is actually possible.
Firstly, women are complex. Their brains are more connected and each neuronal circuit connects with more neurons than in a male, so to women, everything relates. You get in an argument about the dishes and in her mind she immediately thinks, “Oh, I am not bearing your children” because there is a direct connection. Instantaneously, she has also thought about your first date night together and how she should have seen this coming, the planning for an upcoming event that relates to the number of dishes she may be responsible cutting into the time she has to spend on something she loves ultimately leading to her unhappiness and it’s really all because you refuse to carry your weight with the dishes. Scum. Now, in observing how quickly that can happen, should men be interested in the age old tradition of chivalry and being a thoughtful gentlemen? A little prevention would lead to better sex and life long connection, so before we continue to physiology, note the women are complex and best put in a good mood before you give her the job of trying something new for your benefit. In my practice, there have been many male partners who will buy Hot Chocolate in bulk for their marriage, but know that before you open pandoras box of libido, she finds you attractive.
When a man has played his cards right and a woman is physically aroused, blood flow increases to the pelvic region in the woman. Her clitoris (remember that this is on the outside) and surrounding tissues increase in size just as a penis does. Women are just a little more discrete about things. There are several glands surrounding the vagina that lubricate and prepare for intercourse.
Of note, as estrogen and progesterone decrease in a female, her lubrication decreases and her skin become more thin making sex unappealing. This makes sense physiologically because hormones decrease as a woman ages and isn’t able to reproduce. Very important in our current world, they decrease when there is a lot of stress in life. The body makes a direct choice between using the cholesterol to form cortisol, our stress hormone, or sex hormones. In both menopause (or premature ovarian failure) and in the case of the anxious, unhappy partner with the dishes still in the sink, hormones decrease. Both scenarios are not prime time to create children; the body is intelligent.
Remember that if you are dependably stressed in life in general, happiness and peace are internal conditions that you should seek from within. The man can do his best being a gentleman, but it could be that the woman has some work to do as well. Overall, you will live a longer, healthier life, have more fun and make more of a difference in the world if you do that work.
If there’s a lubrication problem that is ongoing, treat the stress and consider a hormone panel including adrenal and thyroid function analysis. One of the ingredients in Hot Chocolate is a beautiful plant for man and women in that arena, Maca. Again, please remember that there’s no blame, guilt or insecurity that will help you here, ladies. This happens all the time. Men, if you would please dry the inside of your cheek and then rub your dry finger back and forth the tissue… maybe just do that really fast for 30 minutes or so. Note how that feels and also taste whatever was on your keyboard; many women consistently get urinary and vaginal infections after sex, making the activity less appealing. Lubrication is important.
Note how close the urethral opening is to the vaginal opening.
Tip: Women: urinate after sex and it will wash the bacteria out of your urethra preventing bladder infections. Having a slightly filled bladder before having sex can also increase sensitivity and pressure on the internal nerve endings.
Women are complex in their hormone cycles as well. Around ovulation, as one could guess, desire may increase, but the time of the month will vary the woman’s attraction requirements as well. We now know that women are attracted to men of higher testosterone and vitality around the time of ovulation whereas the more sensitive and caring many may win the later part of the cycle; the theory being that later, she will need a stable partner, not a wild stallion with great genes. One thing is for sure, desire varies during her cycle and patience may be required.
Key Point: Climax for women is not necessarily obtained with mere thrusting. We have all seen the movies, targeted in stimulating men visually, but unfortunately, this gives off a false impression that is extremely erroneous based on basic female anatomy. Some women are able to climax from the inside, just as prostate stimulated orgasm is possible in a man, but the most comparable tissue to the penis in a woman is the clitoris.
Women, if you have never had an orgasm, please explore your body and consider a sex therapist. It will improve your relationship, quality of life and let go of whatever idea that is in your way of having an orgasm. If you want sex to be more than another thing you have to do because you know he needs it, please do something proactive and know that it’s very possible from a physiological vantage to have fun just as he does and you will be so glad you had the courage to look for the solution. Also, it’s not necessary to come out and tell your lover that you have never actually had an orgasm. In general, a man that loves you will be more than happy to follow your lead into new territory. If all the women who have faked orgasms told their loved ones at once there would be a massive, worldwide depression in men… this has not been studied, but based on the thousands of accounts I have heard, I’m pretty sure it would be a shocker.
If a female lacks desire, why should she care? At orgasm, oxytocin is released (and as opposed to males, who have testosterone that may decrease this effect) she will feel more bonded to her partner, more true, and more deeply connected… now who doesn’t want that in a relationship? Your partner will be happier and sex will be something you both have a desire for.
In men, Hot Chocolate may likely give a notable result, but in women, I believe her mind must be receptive to it. Science has proved herbs can increase circulation, sensation and desire, however, if a female feels she is in a wrong relationship, judged or vulnerable, this love potion may cause confusion and frustration. Be mentally ready, ladies, to be in love with your mate. As mentioned before, since females are more neurologically and endocrinologically (hormonally) complex, be prepared to address emotional issues. Again, if there is sexual abuse history, increased desire can be a trigger for having to finally deal with these traumas (which is good in the long run).
Tip: Females and males can experience a “sex flush” leading up to and after climax. In women, this appears as pink spots underneath the breasts and spreading to the torso, face and even the soles of her face. This is present in 50-75% of females, but only a quarter of males.
Lack of Climax in Women Causes:
Mental Contributors:
- We’re sorry, there are too many to list for the female mind. Please have her take a “Love Language” quiz and do as much as possible for her to be at ease, rested, comfortable, secure and loved. Also, consider a sex therapist if there is past abuse and unhealthy ideas and violation of trust about sex.
Physical Contributors:
- Hormone imbalance – age, Stress or genetics. Over time, herbs in Hot Chocolate will aid in this, but ladies may need more of a physiological look.
- Dehydration – If the body is recycling water to stay alive, it is not going to give it up for lubrication. For most people, half your weight in ounces of purified water is a good rule of thumb.
- Alcohol – Although this suppresses brain and may allow women to let go, it’s a bit of a let down as far as orgasm if there is too much intoxication. Both sexes experience this suppression.
- Anatomy issues – females can have prolapse bladders, rectoceles, hydroceles, uterine prolapse and basically all kinds of things falling out over time or anatomical disadvantage. There are exercises, abdominal massages, surgeries and all kinds of options to solve these problems.
- Poor Circulation – vascular compromise in diabetes, venous insufficiency and other systemic problems can lead to poor blood flow, which is crucial for heightened sensation, shape change with arousal and lubrication. If you have spider veins or varicose veins, you may want to optimize your cardiovascular system in order to increase sexual function.